Confident Me - Confirmed Values
Brene Brown, in her brilliant book ‘Braving the Wilderness’, has a marvellous quote.
“True belonging is the practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world . . True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”
With such simplicity and clarity, she outlines the importance of ‘being who you are’. The challenge for many people comes when they don’t know who they are. In our coaching work, we have discovered that what consistently helps is knowing your passionate purpose and knowing the values that you stand for.
In this series, where we are exploring what brings confidence or self-efficacy in us to hold conversations and particularly when you are in an interview situation. Over the next 4 weeks we are going to explore those steps that give us confidence as a leader and confidence in any interaction, including interviews!
This week we look at your confirmed values.
Values drive behaviour
I remember doing a values exercise with a group from a particular company. We used the material from Brene Brown’s book Dare to Lead, and each person used it to find their top three personal values. The company values were all about bringing the best for their customers and working as a team. As each team member shared what their personal top 3 were, you could see the congruence with the company values and why they were good fit for that company. Then the last person shared his, ‘ambition’, ‘confidence’ and one not even on the list of ‘making money’. He had announced at the start that he was leaving the company that week and had shared with me all of his driven achievements and what he wanted to go on to do. His values drove his behaviour. As others in the room shared their stories, they demonstrated their values in the way they worked with team members and the customers. Their values drove their behaviour.
Peace & Synchronicity
There is a sense, when we live out our values, we feel in sync with ourselves. When we are working in an environment that is conflict with the values we stand for, it makes us unsettled. I know, for example, that as someone with a value of authenticity, when I come across lying and cheating, it makes me unsettled and even angry. When we know this about ourselves, we can manage our experiences and who we are in the presence of. Someone I met with recently has the values of ‘welcome’ and ‘community’. When they were doing that in their job, it gave them confidence because they were operating as their true self. We feel our own sense of value when we operate in our values.
When you know what your values are, you can gain clarity on why you respond in certain ways. Because integrity is an important value to me, when I see corruption, it makes me angry. Because I know this value drives that reaction, I have more clarity on who I am. I understand my reactions. I also understand the need to be present in my values. In turn, when I do that I feel more confident.
When we operate in our values it energises us. When I am coaching, it operates my values of ‘authenticity’, ‘curiosity’ and ‘integrity’. I find myself energised. Sit me down with a bank reconciliation task and although it’s a necessary thing to do, it brings me very little energy because it doesn’t fuel my purpose of empowerment or my values of curiosity or authenticity. When we tell stories of how we have operated in our values we will talk with more passion and energy. This will draw people to us. We become more attractive.
Discover your values
So, how do you discover your values? The first step is to get a list of values and examine which ones are more important to you. Narrow them down to your top 20, top 10, top 5 and then your top 3. You will know which ones are your top ones because these will be the ones that when you see the opposite of them, it drives you mad or makes you sad.
Once you have found your top 3 on the list, then have a look at yourself through that lens.
How much of them are you doing?
When you are at your most content, what were you doing?
When you got angry, did it conflict with a value?
It's then about planning to spend time on things that allow you to live out your values. The more you then live out those values, the more experiences you will have and the more stories you can tell of how you lived out your values. Then, the more confident you will feel as you feel in sync and can passionately talk about what you do.
Can we help you?
Would you like to feel more confident in conversations, or maybe that big interview? We hope this blog has been helpful and if you would like some more targeted support to grow in confidence, then do get in contact with us. We can organise one-to-one coaching to help with techniques. Give us a call on 01449 710438or email email@example.com if you would like us to help you explore this and empower you.
Everyday Leader is here to empower, inspire and equip you. If we can help you find a way forward, through coaching, training or consultancy, do let us know. Contact us now: firstname.lastname@example.org